Last night i had a really awful dream that is bothering me still.
I was at church and we had the music part and that was all good. I was asked to speak this Sunday and when i got up to speak, and try to settle everyone [the chatters], i couldn't get anyone to pay attention for ages. Then when they finally settled down, i started to talk about my weight loss journey - the trials and triumphs of it so far this year. But no-one was paying attention to me. In fact, they were all turning their heads the other way! Some guys even started watching a footy game on a big screen. Eventually everyone was watching the game and cheering on their teams. I tried 3 or 4 times to hold the congregations attention and begin talking, to no avail. After the last attempt, they actually had their backs to me. I ended up in tears and collecting my stuff and walking out.

Just the thought of my church family turning their back on me for any reason is a horrible thing! I want to cry now just thinking about it O_O

We went to look at a house that was a lot bigger than ours [we are looking to sell and buy elsewhere in the same town] It needed a bit of work, but we were prepared to 'buy down'. John & i were amoungst a buying party - a group of people interested in the same property. There were a couple of stair cases and at the top of one of them, was a doorways that you had to lean into sideways to get into a room. A really big kids bedroom.
When we'd finished looking around the house, i went to use the loo. When i was washing my hands afterwards, i looked at myself in the mirror and noticed one of my front teeth had fallen out & all the rest were jagged and hollow. It was gross!
But John still loved me and thought i was gorgeous Aawwwwww
We were the last ones to leave and the owners were getting pushy for us to leave because they wanted to get stoned. The more impatient they got, the worse the house started to look. Like thier impatience was uncovering patch up jobs they'd done on the house.
When we walked outside, we realised that the house was closer to the highway than our current house is, so we couldn't live there anyway.
We took one of thier cars to leave with. Then we left it someone and called a towtruck. We hoped the cops would be called and the house people would get busted for drugs.
And thats it

Flossy

Flossy, a few hours before she died

The best cat we've ever had [Flossy] died in a car accident earlier this year. She didn't get on very well with our old, grumpy cat [Lotus]. But she got on with the dogs for the most part. She was so full of character and life. When she died, if effected me really badly!

Last night i dreamt about her for the first time. She came back into our lives as if she'd never left. We even made jokes about her clawing her way out of her grave. She followed Lotus around and made him feel uncomfortable, as she always did. And let Rose hold her in silly ways. But i took heaps of photos of her, and not one turned out. When i pressed the 'back' button on the camera, it would just show the last photo i took before Flossy. Someone said there was something not-quite-right about her. [but it wasn't like Stephen Kings Pet Cemetery]
It's like she wasn't really there and we were all sharing in the delusion.
I woke up before a conclusion, which i would have really appreciated seen as i'm still mourning for her :o/

Illusions

Daniel [my new grandson we've been looking after since birth] was my son and i was in hospital with him, in the children's ward. John and the kids would come and visit, and we'd go to the common area to spend time together. And i'd feed Daniel etc. One day, while in my hospital room, my doctor came in and told me that i was being scheduled for an artery operation on the left side of my neck because there was future blockage possibilities. I freaked out and confided in my doctor that i'm weird with meat [this is true in reality] I hate the look and feel of meat. And if i see a vein in anything, i can't eat that meat for months to come! So being told i need this operation forces me to think of myself as meat & with veins in my neck. That causes a bit of a panic.
I asked about John and the kids: what would they do while i was in hospital for the duration of the recovery from the surgery? He asked who john and the kids were. i told him they were the ones that had been visiting Daniel and i in hospital. He asked who Daniel was.....
He then tried to tell me that i was in hospital alone, awaiting surgery, and i had no family.
I started to panic then. Why would this doctor lie to me about that? But why would i imagine my whole life?
So the doctor took me back to my house. It was the family home that i remembered living a family life. But it was baron with evidence of living a fantasy life. The walls weren't painted the bright, happy colours i remembered. There was minimal things in the house. A few old toys that i had remembered as a brilliant toy room. A run down kitchen with a few utensils that i had remembered as a lively family hub. A lounge room with a milk crate and ripped curtain, that i had remembered as a lazy family TV room.
I didn't understand where it had all gone. How could i live a whole life and imagine the people i loved, each and every day?
But what i saw was the truth. I knew it was the truth and not just a trick. As soon as it had been brought to my attention, i knew it was the truth.
My whole world and everything i treasured was a lie.
I was taken back to the hospital to await my surgery. I felt so alone that my life seemed like a big black hole, with absolutely no future what-so-ever.
No Johnny
No Rosie
No Jason
And no Daniel

Weird Moon

Last night i dreamed about Jacob Black from Twilight. I LOVE the Twilight books! And i although i think the Bella/Edward affair is the greatest love story ever, i've always had a soft spot for Jacob. I think the character is an awesome one and even though i don't really think Jacob is that attractive, the pic above is way too hot!!!
So last night i dreamed about him, but it was like a counterfeit Jacob. It was him, but not really, though I dunno how that worked.
I can't remember how i met him, it was at someones place and there were lots of people there. We were kinda pushed together as friends, and we sat together while other people were talking or while watching tele etc. At one point he leaned against me while we were watching tele, and i felt really comfortable with that, but a little awkward at the same time. It was nice.
Then something happened to cause the police to be on their way, and everyone scattered. Jacob and i took off together, through the dark night time streets that were wet coz it had been raining.
We were trying to get back to our house. We both shape-shifted, him into a dog and me into a cat, so we could run and not get noticed. The police nearly caught up to us behind a shop and so we swapped shapes [i turned into a dog, and he, a cat] to confuse the police.
We got back to our place, which was an upstairs old 1920's apartment building. We lived in flats opposite each other. We changed back into people but to swap our animal characters back we had to do this weird thing: Outside our flats was a toaster each. We had to put bread in a toaster, wait for it to pop up, put a bowl on the floor, and the person had to be at the toaster within a curtain time to get their shape back. So i put Jacobs bread in the toaster but when the toast popped up, my dog Buddy jumped up and took a bite out of it, causing Jacob to vanish.
This really bothered me, it was a real loss. At every opportunity i put a new bit of bread in the toaster, hoping that it would bring Jacob back, But it never worked. I even hung out in his flat at times, trying to be closer to him. His walls were covered in black posters of various bands and movies. Anthrax, Metallica, Scarface, The Godfather etc. And he had lots of pot plants.
I went through old photos of me because i thought the answer to getting him back might have been in one of them. My family came over while i was sorting through photos and i couldn't tell them what i was doing, or about the toast thing, because they would think i was nuts. I went for a walk somewhere and when i came back, i looked at Jacobs flat windows, trying to find the answer there. Then i woke up.
All day i've felt that strange loss. We were going to watch New Moon [again] tonight, but i decided not to, coz i felt weird about that dream.

There Should Be A Bana On That!

Ok, so i haven't been here a while. I have a weird dream then tell someone [who isn't interested]. I mean to write it here[for other people who aren't interested lol] but if i leave it too long, i forget.
But this one was really exciting, because it was about Eric Bana [The Hulk, Black Hawk Down, Troy, Troy, The Castle, Star Trek, The Time Travelers Wife, Funny People, and the comedy series Fast Forward]and i think he's the sexiest man in the world, so i won't forget in a hurry :o)


John and i went to a concert thing. When we walked in, i noticed that a group of Australian comedians were performing on stage, some kind of skit. Eric bana was one of them [In fact he's the only one i really noticed]
Somehow John and i got separated while trying to find our seats. From the crowd i saw where he was sitting, but was a bit annoyed that he didn't even notice that i wasn't with him.
So i went out to the foyer and waited for him to come looking for me. I went outside and it had been snowing a lot. I had bare feet and yet the snow wasn't making them that cold. My hands were freezing though! There was a couple of guys sitting outside that i didn't like the look of, so i went back into the foyer. John wasn't looking for me, so i popped my head around the corner to see where he was sitting, and he was enjoying the show. Still seemingly oblivious to my absence. So i just stayed in the foyer until the show was over. When it was over though, i moved over to the furtherest wall and stood against it as the crowd moved past me. When everyone had gone, i noticed the actors were getting ready to leave, down by the stage. They were just waiting for Eric. I walked over to them, and even though i was looking at them, they didn't really have any faces. More like paper masks [made of skin] with little beady, flat eyes.
One of them asked what i was doing, just as Eric walked out from behind the stage. I said, "Mr Bana, would you mind if i had my photo taken with you?" [I thought about adding that i was asking coz i'd missed the show, but didn't] He smiled and walked toward me, saying "Sure!" I gave one of the other guys my camera, and Eric put his arm around me to pose. I smelt beer on his breath and i figured they'd had a pre-drink drink after the show. His arm was warm and it felt really comfortable.

That's all there was. I've always fancied Eric, ever since he started his acting career. He's just all 'round awesome! John won't even watch a movie with him in it coz he knows i'll just be perving the whole time!
When he was making his movie about his car, a friend of mine met him at his car dealership. He didn't know that i drool over Eric, but i was still fuming that i wasn't told that he was going to be there so i could meet him. It STILL pisses me off to think of! lol
I've never dreamed of Eric, so last night was nice. I woke up with a smiley sigh :o)
In my dream, i hope John got run over in the parking lot lol

MA15+?

The night before last i had a series of weird dreams. I should have put them here yesterday. But i didn't, and now i've forgotten too much, so i'll just write about the oddest one.

I was picking up stuff in the lounge room, when a commercial came on tele, One of those infomercials, about a new massaging device that every home needs! A white palm sized vibrator, just like the one in the add above. I found this very amusing because it was obviously a basic vibrator that can be purchased at any sex shop. And as the models on tele demonstrated how to use it by massaging the tense spots on their own necks and backs with the cheap, white vibrators. I sat on the couch to watch the commercial with great amusement and giggled randomly.

I think that dream came from me and a freind talking about checking out a sex shop in the next town during the weekend.
Before doing this post, i did an image search for "Funny vibrator" to put at the top of the post. I was really surprised to find the add. Maybe my mum was telling the truth when i found one of those under her mattress while making her bed, when i was 12, and she said it was for massaging her broken tail bone when i bought it out and asked her what it was :o)