Flossy

Flossy, a few hours before she died

The best cat we've ever had [Flossy] died in a car accident earlier this year. She didn't get on very well with our old, grumpy cat [Lotus]. But she got on with the dogs for the most part. She was so full of character and life. When she died, if effected me really badly!

Last night i dreamt about her for the first time. She came back into our lives as if she'd never left. We even made jokes about her clawing her way out of her grave. She followed Lotus around and made him feel uncomfortable, as she always did. And let Rose hold her in silly ways. But i took heaps of photos of her, and not one turned out. When i pressed the 'back' button on the camera, it would just show the last photo i took before Flossy. Someone said there was something not-quite-right about her. [but it wasn't like Stephen Kings Pet Cemetery]
It's like she wasn't really there and we were all sharing in the delusion.
I woke up before a conclusion, which i would have really appreciated seen as i'm still mourning for her :o/

Illusions

Daniel [my new grandson we've been looking after since birth] was my son and i was in hospital with him, in the children's ward. John and the kids would come and visit, and we'd go to the common area to spend time together. And i'd feed Daniel etc. One day, while in my hospital room, my doctor came in and told me that i was being scheduled for an artery operation on the left side of my neck because there was future blockage possibilities. I freaked out and confided in my doctor that i'm weird with meat [this is true in reality] I hate the look and feel of meat. And if i see a vein in anything, i can't eat that meat for months to come! So being told i need this operation forces me to think of myself as meat & with veins in my neck. That causes a bit of a panic.
I asked about John and the kids: what would they do while i was in hospital for the duration of the recovery from the surgery? He asked who john and the kids were. i told him they were the ones that had been visiting Daniel and i in hospital. He asked who Daniel was.....
He then tried to tell me that i was in hospital alone, awaiting surgery, and i had no family.
I started to panic then. Why would this doctor lie to me about that? But why would i imagine my whole life?
So the doctor took me back to my house. It was the family home that i remembered living a family life. But it was baron with evidence of living a fantasy life. The walls weren't painted the bright, happy colours i remembered. There was minimal things in the house. A few old toys that i had remembered as a brilliant toy room. A run down kitchen with a few utensils that i had remembered as a lively family hub. A lounge room with a milk crate and ripped curtain, that i had remembered as a lazy family TV room.
I didn't understand where it had all gone. How could i live a whole life and imagine the people i loved, each and every day?
But what i saw was the truth. I knew it was the truth and not just a trick. As soon as it had been brought to my attention, i knew it was the truth.
My whole world and everything i treasured was a lie.
I was taken back to the hospital to await my surgery. I felt so alone that my life seemed like a big black hole, with absolutely no future what-so-ever.
No Johnny
No Rosie
No Jason
And no Daniel